New Year Resolution Update

My New Year's resolution for 2015 was to live my life free of expectations. When I made the resolution my intention was positive, even though it sounds very negative when you say it out loud. The purpose of the resolution was to help free my mind of any preconceived notions.  Mainly, because I was finding more and more often that if something, anything, didn't go the way that I had envisioned it to go in my mind, even before the event occurred, I would sometimes become very disappointed, or angry, or upset. It just was not cosmically possible for things to happen the way I intended them to go all of the time, and more often than not I was allowing it to steal my joy from situations. The tipping point was New Years Eve 2015, Andy and I were invited to a party at a new coworkers house. When we arrived, and it became very clear as the night wore on,that we were going to be the only other party goers with my very attractive, single, female coworker. I was also the only one not drinking among the three of us that night. As the night wore on my jealousies and insecurities were raging inside. I got so mad when Andy didn't "kiss me the way I wanted to be kissed at midnight." I am laughing at my own ridiculousness now, but at the time the upset was real. The holiday had been partly ruined, in my mind.  Of course that wasn't true. I actually had a pleasant time, and I would have had an even better time if I hadn't let my preconceived notions and other jack ass emotions control my mind.  Looking back on things now, I think that everything happened the way it did for a reason.  I decided the next day that I was going to try to do something different so that situations such as this would be no more.

So, for the last year I have been making a conscience effort to just let things happen. I have tried to not make movies in my mind before attending parties, going to work, or spending time with friends or loved ones. At first, it was harder to let go of the crazy notions my mind was creating all of the time. It seems the mind wants to explore the worst, instead of the best possible outcomes most of the time. I rarely find myself thinking about things that make me happy, but instead things that anger, frustrate, scare and upset me. Areas of my heart that carry resentment seem to be the thoughts that like to pop up, more than the happy, positive moments (I'm sure there is psychological reason for this, but I would rather explore it philosophically). As time went on, the more that I practiced not having these conversations with myself, and just allowed moments in my life to come the more aware I became of what was really going on in my world. My heart became open to receiving new experiences, and they were a million times better then the ones I had been creating in my mind.
I'm excited for 2016. I feel that I have made some great progress this year in my life in areas that needed some love and attention, such as my jealousy and insecurities, and I am ready to face the new year with a more open mind and a more open heart. Bring it on!

For the record I am also really, really good friends now with my attractive, not single anymore beautiful co-worker.