Just my thoughts

So, iv'e been trying to give myself some psychotherapy. I have confidence in the fact that I am capable of healing my inner wounds myself. I know myself better than anyone. The girl that got fucked over needs to get over it. I'm sick of holding back from trusting when trust is warranted. I have probably lost a friendship from this stain. I hold back from trusting my husband. As a happily married newly wed I have NO reason not to trust Andy. He has never done anything but try and show me how much he loves me, and the thought of him straying is a laugh to anyone else. But the fucked up girl inside of me takes over, and keeps me from having friendships with girls, because they are pretty. She sits inside of me, stewing about whether or not Andy is cheating or thinking about cheating. He really does not deserve this. He is the most loyal person I have ever met! We have a beautiful love, and a beautiful relationship. There is no reason for me to still feel this way. My wounds should have healed long ago, but I guess some are deeper than we realize. In my psychotherapy session today, I realized this. Just touching a feeling sometimes still hurts, it might take me a lifetime to stop feeling like this. But I am sick and tired of feeling like this. A long time ago, I realized that I am beautiful. I am me. No matter what happens, I love myself. That will not leave me. But now I want to let all the bitter feelings of jealousy and hurt that happened to leave my soul. I deserve to give myself the gift of happiness. I am only going to be a newly wed once, and I want to enjoy if fully- not worrying about losing it, or fearing that someone else if going to swoop in and take it away. I learned last week that life is unpredictable and precious, when I lost a childhood friend. Someone who I ran with in track. He was fast and the last person I would have expected to take his own life and that of another. R.I.P. Patrick. I hope all of his hurt has gone away. I have a beautiful life and love, I cannot comprehend how much hurt he must have been feeling, even at my worst. I hope that I am able to continue working on my own demons on my own. For myself and for Andy. He deserves to have me one hundred percent. I deserve it.