Worry-Wort

I worry that you won't come home from work.
I worry that I am going to get cancer from smoking.
I worry that I am worrying too much.
I obsess on stuff like glass smudges.
I obsess on my cats too much.
I worry about my weight.
I worry about money.
I worry about worry.
I worry that my car will crash.
I worry that this will be my last day on earth.
I hate birds.
I hate blue candy.
I hate being constipated.
I hate that I can't just relax.
I want to please everyone.
I worry about losing it(my mind)
I worry about the world and everyone on it.
I wonder what they are thinking?
I wonder what I am going to do tommorow.
Will there be tommorow.
Will I grieve.
How will I grieve.
I know that I don't know enough.
I worry about not knowing enough.
Why don't I know more?
Am I stupid?
I worry about work
Did I work hard enough?
Did I do anything stupid?
Did I think things through?
Do they like me?
Was I fun?
Was I funny?
I worry that when I am driving I will crash
I will get a fucked up eye from the glass in my eye
I worry about amputated limbs
I guess I just worry too much.

Black and white.

I manage a privately owned breakfast restaurant. I was recently transferred to a new store. Today, I found out that my General Manager is a follower of a white supremacist group. Rallys and all. At first I was surprised, really, that that sort of ignorance still exists in this day and age, but not really surprised. Which led to this thinking.....really... what is white? Native American? European? White skin? I don't get it. I guess that they would think me ignorant, and in this case, I prefer to remain ignorant to that way of thinking. When I told my boyfriend( and yes I will tell everyone every chance I get, you better be prepared to own that way of thinking and be proud of it fuckers) he got mad. I told him what I told her.

"I'm sorry that your boyfriend feels that way, we could blame it on the fact that he has been in and out of prison since 18, or his prior heavy drug use, but really it is you that I feel really sorry for, for following such and ignorant man." Really, I didn't tell her that. But I wish I would have.

I guess part of me fears the confrontation, and part of me just really feels sorry for people like that. That there main concern in life is the color of there skin, the color of other people's skin, and the logos that they put on there clothes to announce it. I don't have a problem with being proud of your heritage(Italian and proud of it babies) but do you really have to hate other people for theres? Something that they are born into and have absolutely no control over? If one of these "white power" people actually sat down and thought about it would that make sense? Or are they just so entrenched in there own hate and ignorance that they wouldn't even consider the thought that there way of thinking is not only wrong, but complete and utter stupidity. Sad really. That's all.

What does it all mean?

Several things have been on my mind as of late....such as Fate. Hate. Date Rape.
Love. The Truth.
Lemme break it down for you. Is Fate when two people meet by chance and know know know that they are destined to be together. Move in instantly. Live happily ever after.
What the fuck is happily ever after? (My def: Being able to live together and laugh and go on and on and on well ....forever) Hate. There is nothing wrong with it. It just has a bad REP. It is okay to hate. It is just another emotion just like love. Everything in moderation. Just don't hate all the time. Don't be a hater, don't be mad at the world all the fucking time. Don't be jealous of other people all the time. Just some of the time and you will be alright.
Date Rape. Mabey. I don't know if I feel like going into all that. She couldn't even walk. Really do you have to control e-v-eryyy thing??? It is just sick. Me-I am not sick. But I can be the sickest evilest fucking person if pushed to my limits, luckily for the world and for sick people I have a lot of patience. But I also love violence, so I might punch you (her) in the face just to shut her up. Damn, she bounced right back like a jack in the box though. Creepy. I still love her though, well I guess I have to, she is my sister after all.
The truth is...I prefer thoughts to action. .....just lay there sit there smoke it and think. Think about all that happens, how it affects me, how it affects others. I don't want to do do do. Why do people do what they do? Why do I? Is it fate? Human nature? Chemistry. All is right in my world. I keep the balance. I keep the peace. Fuck with it and I will punch you in the face.