My perspective has slowly been shifting, over time.
Consciously awakening myself to new thoughts.
Ideas that calm my spirit.
I have always been overly emotional.
It's not fair--was my chosen phrase.
Expecting too much.
Doing something that I thought was fun,
or stimulating,
all of the time.
Or I wasn't happy.
Bored and depressed,
even feeling useless, at times.
Jumping from emotion to emotion.
A rabbit running through a field.
Here is how I gained a more positive outlook--
By lessening my expecations,
of what life is supposed to give me.
I found a new perspective.
Life is bound to be boring, sometimes.
Everyday like the next,
is not the worst thing ever.
To be living and breathing itself,
is enough excitement.
The world seems so gentle and kind,
with my lessened expectations.
Content, with the little things.
I don't expect more, but it will find me.
Maybe not everyday, but somedays.
And that is fine with me.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
My man
My man is strong, he never gives up. He is always standing tall in my mind.
He protects me with a vengeance, I always feel safe with him.
He is my mighty bulwark, my strong wall-against which I lean.
You will never meet a man, like mine.
My man is handsome, gleaming gold-inside and out. He beams with light. His eyes are as blue as the bluest ocean-they wash with emotion when he is upset, and light my sky when he is happy.
I can't help but be in love with this man.
I don't know what I would do without my man.
He protects me with a vengeance, I always feel safe with him.
He is my mighty bulwark, my strong wall-against which I lean.
You will never meet a man, like mine.
My man is handsome, gleaming gold-inside and out. He beams with light. His eyes are as blue as the bluest ocean-they wash with emotion when he is upset, and light my sky when he is happy.
I can't help but be in love with this man.
I don't know what I would do without my man.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
New year
Day three of the year. I am going to be writing more, a lot more.
What I am going to write about is still unclear. I am hoping that by being more observant I will have more to report.
I really couldn't have been blessed with a better husband. I just love Andy. He really loves me and wants me to be happy. I have never had that before. He is hard working, loving, caring, and a good Father. No complaints on my marriage.
I feel like I need to work on myself, mainly. The things that I complain about seem so childish to me after I have a fit. Such as New Years Eve. The situation that happened ended up being not what I had envisioned our night to be and I got upset. And it was not by any means a bad night at all. In hindsight the night happened the way it did to show me some important things.
I thought that I had learned the lesson of "not having preconceived notions" a long time ago, but I needed a refresher course. Things do not always happen as we plan or expect them to happen. Rarely do they happen that way. Other stuff happens that is out of our control all of the time. Go with the flow.
The other big thing that I would really like to change about myself is STILL healing from the past and the trust issues that I experience still because of it. I am obviously glad that I didn't marry the wrong person and that it happened the way it did, and I am with Andy now. But I wish that I did not have trust issues still because of it. Andy is the most trustworthy man I have ever met. But the feelings still come and they still suck. I know where they stemmed from, and that is what upsets me. I hate that what happened still affects me. It's not happening now and I wish the old feelings would never resurface. I never had trust issues before, if anything, I was too trusting. I don't want to feel jealous and insecure when we are around other girls. I don't feel that this is really me, and I want myself back. It is getting better and better as time goes on, but it still happens. I can't believe that my psyche is still rattled from that experience in 2010.
The new year has already taught me a lesson. Let go of my expectations. This may sound negative- but, it is actually not. Without expectations we open up ourselves to the Universe and whatever it may bring our way. Narrow sighted perceptions will be widened. If I don't expect anything, then every moment will be a surprise. I am opening myself up like a lotus flower to new experiences and change. Bring them on!
I will spend my time studying art and philosophy, writing and listening.
2015 for me will signify natural change. I will grow, I will progress. In what ways is yet to remain unseen.
What I am going to write about is still unclear. I am hoping that by being more observant I will have more to report.
I really couldn't have been blessed with a better husband. I just love Andy. He really loves me and wants me to be happy. I have never had that before. He is hard working, loving, caring, and a good Father. No complaints on my marriage.
I feel like I need to work on myself, mainly. The things that I complain about seem so childish to me after I have a fit. Such as New Years Eve. The situation that happened ended up being not what I had envisioned our night to be and I got upset. And it was not by any means a bad night at all. In hindsight the night happened the way it did to show me some important things.
I thought that I had learned the lesson of "not having preconceived notions" a long time ago, but I needed a refresher course. Things do not always happen as we plan or expect them to happen. Rarely do they happen that way. Other stuff happens that is out of our control all of the time. Go with the flow.
The other big thing that I would really like to change about myself is STILL healing from the past and the trust issues that I experience still because of it. I am obviously glad that I didn't marry the wrong person and that it happened the way it did, and I am with Andy now. But I wish that I did not have trust issues still because of it. Andy is the most trustworthy man I have ever met. But the feelings still come and they still suck. I know where they stemmed from, and that is what upsets me. I hate that what happened still affects me. It's not happening now and I wish the old feelings would never resurface. I never had trust issues before, if anything, I was too trusting. I don't want to feel jealous and insecure when we are around other girls. I don't feel that this is really me, and I want myself back. It is getting better and better as time goes on, but it still happens. I can't believe that my psyche is still rattled from that experience in 2010.
The new year has already taught me a lesson. Let go of my expectations. This may sound negative- but, it is actually not. Without expectations we open up ourselves to the Universe and whatever it may bring our way. Narrow sighted perceptions will be widened. If I don't expect anything, then every moment will be a surprise. I am opening myself up like a lotus flower to new experiences and change. Bring them on!
I will spend my time studying art and philosophy, writing and listening.
2015 for me will signify natural change. I will grow, I will progress. In what ways is yet to remain unseen.
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