Father

Today I decided to call my biological Father. I wanted Andy to "meet" him. I have not seen him for about ten years, and before that I hadn't seen him since I was very little.I have not spoken with him since the last time I saw him.
We haven't always had the closest relationship, you could say--since he put my sisters and I in foster care while my Mom was having brain surgery. My opinion of him up to today was that he brings new meaning to the word "bastard," and who could blame me, after what happened...my whole life.
I don't know why I have always wanted to know him, I guess it's because he made me. I had a loving Father growing up. He took care of me, and loved me. So why this attraction to Val(Valentino)?
I think that it goes beyond knowing that I look like him, and probably act like him...even if I don't know him--really.
The phone call went like this:
"Hello" (him).
"Hi, is this Val?" (even thought I knew it was).
"Hi Val, this is your daughter, Farra".
"Who?"
"Farra...your daughter".
"Oh! Farra!"

Followed by, what was surprisingly, a nice chat. I found him sweet and easy to talk to. He was not rambling on as much as the last time that I spoke to him-about the War (WW2), old Italy, past mistakes. He seemed to be in the moment and genuinely happy to hear from me. He told me repeatedly that he thought of me all of the time.  He shared valuable information with me about my genealogy, family medical history and told me some about my Mom when she was young.
He turned 80 on April 3rd, but he was able to use a cell phone easily to get me a number and seemed coherent. Although he did say that senility was creeping up on him.
He told me that a Fuoco trait is to be friendly and charming--diplomatic. He told me that my biological half sister Shirley was that way, as is he.
He told me that my Great Grandmother--his Mother's last name, was Brunetti (Bruno) which originates from the word "brown" because of there brown complexions.  They were the second wealthiest family in the "village," (Florence in the 1100's-1200's and then Palermo in 1282). This information is very valuable to me. I have always had questions about who I am, and where I came from. Who am I?
He told me that he had a psychiatrist appointment. He told me that he had PTSD from being put into a boxcar during the war. I felt bad for him. I could tell that he was still carrying a lot of guilt around with him. Things that he had done, and things that he had not done. Things that he did and did not have control over.
He told me that my Mom used to like to smoke joints and that he didn't like it. He told me that she was his psychiatrist, and that she was too beautiful to resist. The way that he said he didn't really know what he was doing with my Mom for 10(13) years while he was married etc. made me think that I got the chemical imbalance that I have from him-- and that he needs to quit lying and making excuses. He is either senile, or he has lied so many times that he does not remember the truth.
He asked if he could call me, and I told him that he could. Part of me feels guilty--to my Mom and to my Dad. But I believe in forgiveness. I believe that there is enough Love for everyone. I don't want to live my life in fear anymore. That means I am not going to NOT do something, out of fear of what someone else will think. I don't love my Dad any less, if I allow myself to love and forgive my biological Father---and that is that.
He told me that he loves me and I said the same at the end of the call.
In conclusion, I am glad that I called.