MY HEART FEELS STARK
NAKED EXPOSED
BLOOD FLOWS
FEELS LIKE IT WILL NEVER FADE
BLOOD
THOUGHTS POP
IN MY MIND
JUST TO EXPOSE MY PAIN
NOTHING ELSE WOULD DO
TIME
WITH YOU WILL NOT ERASE
THE PAIN
THE CHOICE WAS MADE
AND NOW I WILL FADE
FROM YOUR LIFE
AS YOU WILLED
WHEN YOU KILLED
OUR LOVE WITH HER
A USELESS IGNORANT SLUT
JUST KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT
PERMANANTLY WITH MY HATE
A SHOT GUN WOULDN'T
BE BIG ENOUGH
TO BLOW HER OFF THE FACE OF THE
UNIVERSE
AND YOU
MY LOVE WAS VAST AND PURE
AND WHOLE
THAT WILL BE YOUR DEMISE
FOR SURE
NEVER TO FEEL THAT UNDYING LOVE AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE
EAP
EVERMORE
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
POF
More like Plenty of Freaks.
Are there any NORMAL guys out there with there crap together?
UGH.
That is my rant for the day.
Are there any NORMAL guys out there with there crap together?
UGH.
That is my rant for the day.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Expectations-Don't have them
Standards are one thing.
Expectations are another.
If you have a scenario worked out in your mind...it will most likely be very different from what you have "Imagined"
Now if you are open minded to a situation..and open your mind up to the possibility that anything will happen and not how you are NOT imagining it to be...then you will be FREE.
Free from worry. Free from Fret.
Just do. Stick to your guns. Stick to your morals. If you have any. If you don't that is cool too. But just be. Live. Embrace each day. Really live.Think. Breath. Take in each moment, as it is. Not inside your own head.
This is advice I am giving to myself.
Expectations are another.
If you have a scenario worked out in your mind...it will most likely be very different from what you have "Imagined"
Now if you are open minded to a situation..and open your mind up to the possibility that anything will happen and not how you are NOT imagining it to be...then you will be FREE.
Free from worry. Free from Fret.
Just do. Stick to your guns. Stick to your morals. If you have any. If you don't that is cool too. But just be. Live. Embrace each day. Really live.Think. Breath. Take in each moment, as it is. Not inside your own head.
This is advice I am giving to myself.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Mapped out
Sometimes your life can change so dramatically,so suddenly,that you are forced to adopt new changes, new habits, new thoughts.
This is not always the easiest thing to do, but I believe necessary. Necessary for your survival.
You think your life has settled...set in stone.You have your path mapped out for you. Got it all figured out. To be happy with this life..in love with this life.And then have it ALTERED. That life as you know it has ended you realize that you don't know who you are independently in ways. In other ways, it forces you to see what you have been missing out on. A world out there of people and things that you didn't even know existed. A park. A person. Other thoughts. Everything is NEW, and in ways you realize, Possibly better. More Romantic. More passionate. More honest. You still like the same things that you liked before, and realize that now you have more time for these things. You are tied to no one. Your life is your own. You do or don't do exactly as you please. The city hasen't moved. The earth hasen't shifted. The Moon still shines each night in the sky. The same moon that you knew. But subtle changes take place. Things that you thought were so important and enjoyable before become more mundane.Replaced by different things. New and more exciting. But the ache in your heart is still there, for your old life.As it starts to fade...you think about it less and less. The heavyness becomes a little bit lighter. You realize that the Sun is still shining.The earth is still orbiting. You are still You. A little stronger. A little wiser. A little more open minded. You didn't think that you would be okay, but you realize day by day that goes by that you are okay...more that okay..mabey starting to feel a little bit of hope for the future. A different future. Not mapped out,but a journey without a compass. Only now you realize that is okay. You didn't need a compass all along, you don't need a map. All you need is yourself...your strength and your ability to embrace change.
This is not always the easiest thing to do, but I believe necessary. Necessary for your survival.
You think your life has settled...set in stone.You have your path mapped out for you. Got it all figured out. To be happy with this life..in love with this life.And then have it ALTERED. That life as you know it has ended you realize that you don't know who you are independently in ways. In other ways, it forces you to see what you have been missing out on. A world out there of people and things that you didn't even know existed. A park. A person. Other thoughts. Everything is NEW, and in ways you realize, Possibly better. More Romantic. More passionate. More honest. You still like the same things that you liked before, and realize that now you have more time for these things. You are tied to no one. Your life is your own. You do or don't do exactly as you please. The city hasen't moved. The earth hasen't shifted. The Moon still shines each night in the sky. The same moon that you knew. But subtle changes take place. Things that you thought were so important and enjoyable before become more mundane.Replaced by different things. New and more exciting. But the ache in your heart is still there, for your old life.As it starts to fade...you think about it less and less. The heavyness becomes a little bit lighter. You realize that the Sun is still shining.The earth is still orbiting. You are still You. A little stronger. A little wiser. A little more open minded. You didn't think that you would be okay, but you realize day by day that goes by that you are okay...more that okay..mabey starting to feel a little bit of hope for the future. A different future. Not mapped out,but a journey without a compass. Only now you realize that is okay. You didn't need a compass all along, you don't need a map. All you need is yourself...your strength and your ability to embrace change.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
UPSIDE DOWN
When your world gets turned upside down..that is exactly how you feel.
Like you are hanging upside down.
Your thoughts become consumed with WHY did this happen.HOW did this happen.
How do you not notice that a MAC truck is headed your way.
When you are happy, you become oblivious. When you trust someone..enough to give them your heart and your hand and your YES I will marry you..you don't notice when someone else creeps in.
When you are in love, you don't examine your mates flaws. You don't say...well I can't be with you because you are selfish or you are superficial.They are with you and that is all that matters.
But should it.
You grew together. You strived.You survived childhood. You got a long. But is that enough..in the end.
NO. It is not.
You don't question the other persons morals. Because you never have had too. Needed to.
You don't find out what kind of a person someone really really is, until they are faced with a difficult decision.
These decisions don't come along everyday.
I believe that they are sent our way. To test our character.To determine our fate.
In my case...it was placed in his way to determine my fate as well.
At first I was angry. I was hurt. I felt cheated.Cheated out of my wedding day. My childhood love. My best friend. My favorite person in the world. HOW could he do this to ME to US?
Sometimes I still feel cheated.
But I am starting to realize...day by day. Sure as the Sun will rise and the Moon will shine at night.
We shape our own destiny. And sometimes when we can't do it for ourselves..something..someone else steps in and helps us along. Sometimes we don't want the bad yucky medicine that hurts us and makes our heart ache, but it will make us better.
And we aren't always given a treat right away in return. Well you gave up this..so you get this. Sometimes it takes time.
Sometimes we have to grow first. Otherwise..mabey we won't appreciate our gift when it is placed in front of us.
Something I have learned from this whole painful bitter ordeal.
You DON'T ever know what life is going to hand you. Be prepared for ANYTHING. Not saying wait for something bad to happen, but you have to roll with the punches.
Feel your feelings. For a while I was allowing myself to be used and justifying doing things that I knew were MORALLY wrong. Things that I was not okay with. On top of that I was repressing my feelings and putting on a facade, because I thought I was "Helping" Or "Going after what I wanted and not giving up"
FUCK that! You should never have to lie.Or do things that feel wrong to you. Or put on a fake face for love. If you do..it is not LOVE at all. Eventually..my self esteem was so affected by doing and acting..and questioning that I couldn't look myself in the eye. And when I did look myself in the eye..it was dim..and sad.
I think the hurt is fading.I think I am growing stronger. I think the gleam in my eye is returning.But it hasen't been easy. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to face in my life, inflicted upon me by someone that was supposed to love me. Care about me. Treasure me.
And that was the hardest part about it really. It's one thing to be violated by a stranger. Another to be completely violated by someone you love.
Everything Is going to be good though. Great even. I live I learn I will love again..this time I know what I want. It is not just going to be a matter of comfort. History. OR convenience. I know enough now to walk away when that red flag flies..and say I am not dealing with that.
And when the Universe is ready for me to walk thru that door..I will be ready for it:)
Like you are hanging upside down.
Your thoughts become consumed with WHY did this happen.HOW did this happen.
How do you not notice that a MAC truck is headed your way.
When you are happy, you become oblivious. When you trust someone..enough to give them your heart and your hand and your YES I will marry you..you don't notice when someone else creeps in.
When you are in love, you don't examine your mates flaws. You don't say...well I can't be with you because you are selfish or you are superficial.They are with you and that is all that matters.
But should it.
You grew together. You strived.You survived childhood. You got a long. But is that enough..in the end.
NO. It is not.
You don't question the other persons morals. Because you never have had too. Needed to.
You don't find out what kind of a person someone really really is, until they are faced with a difficult decision.
These decisions don't come along everyday.
I believe that they are sent our way. To test our character.To determine our fate.
In my case...it was placed in his way to determine my fate as well.
At first I was angry. I was hurt. I felt cheated.Cheated out of my wedding day. My childhood love. My best friend. My favorite person in the world. HOW could he do this to ME to US?
Sometimes I still feel cheated.
But I am starting to realize...day by day. Sure as the Sun will rise and the Moon will shine at night.
We shape our own destiny. And sometimes when we can't do it for ourselves..something..someone else steps in and helps us along. Sometimes we don't want the bad yucky medicine that hurts us and makes our heart ache, but it will make us better.
And we aren't always given a treat right away in return. Well you gave up this..so you get this. Sometimes it takes time.
Sometimes we have to grow first. Otherwise..mabey we won't appreciate our gift when it is placed in front of us.
Something I have learned from this whole painful bitter ordeal.
You DON'T ever know what life is going to hand you. Be prepared for ANYTHING. Not saying wait for something bad to happen, but you have to roll with the punches.
Feel your feelings. For a while I was allowing myself to be used and justifying doing things that I knew were MORALLY wrong. Things that I was not okay with. On top of that I was repressing my feelings and putting on a facade, because I thought I was "Helping" Or "Going after what I wanted and not giving up"
FUCK that! You should never have to lie.Or do things that feel wrong to you. Or put on a fake face for love. If you do..it is not LOVE at all. Eventually..my self esteem was so affected by doing and acting..and questioning that I couldn't look myself in the eye. And when I did look myself in the eye..it was dim..and sad.
I think the hurt is fading.I think I am growing stronger. I think the gleam in my eye is returning.But it hasen't been easy. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to face in my life, inflicted upon me by someone that was supposed to love me. Care about me. Treasure me.
And that was the hardest part about it really. It's one thing to be violated by a stranger. Another to be completely violated by someone you love.
Everything Is going to be good though. Great even. I live I learn I will love again..this time I know what I want. It is not just going to be a matter of comfort. History. OR convenience. I know enough now to walk away when that red flag flies..and say I am not dealing with that.
And when the Universe is ready for me to walk thru that door..I will be ready for it:)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Word of Advice LADIES
Hey Ladies!
Word of advice. If you have to ASK a man repeatedly if he still cares about/loves his EX..you probably shouldn't be dating him. He is obviously NOT available.
He might be saying he is available....it's called instinct, listen to it..thats why the good GOD gave it to us...it's directly connected to your gut...your nerve endings your brain.
Hello. I know everyone is looking for there HAPPY ENDING. But if your Happy Ending your little slice of happiness involves a man that still lives with his OH SHE IS SO INSIGNIFICANT I SWEAR other...how good is that little slice of sweetness really going to taste...knowing that it still has a chunk of some other LADIES heart attached? A little bitter after taste..for sure.
So next time you meet someone and you have that pivotal moment..that instant attraction..that we get along and have so much to talk about Do all of us a favor and do a little sniffing....if you smell something that smells like shit..it's probably him. He's full of it.
Word of advice. If you have to ASK a man repeatedly if he still cares about/loves his EX..you probably shouldn't be dating him. He is obviously NOT available.
He might be saying he is available....it's called instinct, listen to it..thats why the good GOD gave it to us...it's directly connected to your gut...your nerve endings your brain.
Hello. I know everyone is looking for there HAPPY ENDING. But if your Happy Ending your little slice of happiness involves a man that still lives with his OH SHE IS SO INSIGNIFICANT I SWEAR other...how good is that little slice of sweetness really going to taste...knowing that it still has a chunk of some other LADIES heart attached? A little bitter after taste..for sure.
So next time you meet someone and you have that pivotal moment..that instant attraction..that we get along and have so much to talk about Do all of us a favor and do a little sniffing....if you smell something that smells like shit..it's probably him. He's full of it.
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