Elation in a sundress

I smited the fat girl inside me today. Still trying on XLXLXLX and going ohhh that looks like a night gown. Hello! The lightbulb in my fat girl brain went on ( or off I should say) Try a large-I told myself(this was certainly a concept for my brain) I can't tell you the last time I wore a L. A MED. fit me perfectly. GO ME! Yes, I did a rockin' you go girl cha - cha dance for myself today. I have been battling with my weight for years and last year( October) enough is enough! Working out, lifting weights, and some small life style changes have helped me drop 30 pounds, so far. It's not about telling myself "NO" You can have it. Just not every night. Skip the potatoes(most of the time) Fruits and veggies.Think superfoods. How many can you eat in one day? Moderation. SO I only worked out twice this week? Building muscle automatically burns more calories, each pound of muscle burns 50 more calories a day then a pound of fat, you burn calories for a few hours with cardio, you burn calories for 72 hours when you do weight training. And, yes I enjoy it. This has been a journey, not a " diet" I have made it a point to educate myself on my health. I don't want to be diagnosed with diabetes. I don't want to be uncomfortable in my clothes.I don't want to have to wear XL. Imagining myself with Madonna arms in my wedding dress doesn't hurt for motivation either:) Baby steps.Small changes. Nothing drastic. It will pay off, it is paying off.

Sap and stuff

As of late, I have been so emotional. I don't know if it is age, or the engagement breaking down my wall. I used to be so jaded. I never cried. Now here I sit, reading a book I have read twenty times and feel tears running down my cheeks at the tenderness of love, at the loss of a loved one at well... pretty much anything. I like it though, I like feeling vulnerable and tender.

How

How do you tell a friend of 20 years that you need a break. That you need them to go away. That they are too much. You don't? You accept the " blame" and let them think that you are doing them a favor. You pay them with kindness. I can't go on with this friendship anymore because you are emotionally abusive too confusing down right mean never take any responsibility for the things you say are taking too much from me too much too much too much. I am starting to HATE you. You walk away. Me, I took my dignity with me. I would rather end it before it gets really ugly. I am on my " cloud" my cloud is on fire it's pink as the Arizona sunset burning hot and I am loving it.