This

I used to think that it was better to sit back and wait for what you want in life to come along.
I still partially believe that if something is going to happen, it is going to happen naturally, and everything happens for a reason,that destiny controls our future.
I now believe that sometimes, you have to put your hand out and grab what you want. .
Say what you want, out loud. Put it out there. Investigate. Don't be afraid to take chances emotionally. Don't be so consumed with what is happening, and how other people are acting towards you, that you let them control your LIFE your FUTURE.
It's okay to say "Hey" This is NOT okay. Or this is working for me. Articulate what you Really want. Your own boundaries, your own expectations in life, in your relationships.
It's part of being an adult. Knowing yourself well enough, to know what is acceptable, what you will allow into your enviornment and what you won't.
I know people that have not yet figured this out. I, myself, was like this not so long ago. I let "love" dictate my own unhappiness. I made excuses for others, because I thought that by doing this, I was being a loving partner. But, if you think about it, we don't act like this with our friends. We talk, we don't hide behind anything, and in turn have beautiful friendships, that are honest.
Why can't we be like this with our partners? Shouldn't the same rules apply?
Shouldn't our romantic relationships be friendships above all else?
So if you are in a relationship where you can't be honest with your partner, isn't that a problem.
What do you have if you don't have honesty?
A trap. A cage.An obligation.
So many people I know, so many friends of mine, allow this to happen. In turn they are always feeling half fulfilled. Always half wanting something more from there mates.
Come to the point where you are okay being alone. Where your life doesn't one hundred percent revolve around making your partner happy, and you will have a different perspective on the matter.
This is my rant for the morning, these are my thoughts.
Looking forward to learning,and growing more everyday, because once you move forward emotionally, it frees up your life and time to have more chances and more experiences to grow!
Don't be stagnant!!!

For Me For Momma

What do I struggle with?
I asked myself this question recently? It took me a minute to decide, first I was a little bit bothered by the fact that it took me even a minute to figure this out. Then I decided to go easy on myself for once...ask anyone this and they would probably have to think about it for at least a second.
Right?
Well, a few days to be perfectly honest.
Since we all know how perfect I am.
Did I mention my ego?
So, I decided, obviously this is what I struggle with. I definitly put more time and mental energy into other's problems, in order to avoid facing my own internal conflicts. Brilliant. Not only do I come off as a self-less problem solver and a great listener, but I don't have to face my own issues.
Ordinarily, this is something that I would pat myself on the back for. But since I was specifically making an effort to figure out what my own shortcomings as a person are, I had to face reality. Not my best friend, let me tell you.
My Mother recently came to visit. Most of us have a Mother. I happen to have a wonderful one. The best. Insightful, smart, spiritual, but with enough of a sordid past that she TRULY understands LIFE. Not only that but she is an awesome cook, beautiful, quirky, loud, great sense of humor, well I could go on all day, really. Not only all of this, but she never, ever, hesitates to tell me how it is, and sugar coats nothing. So when MOMMA says something, even if you aren't "listening" per say, her insights will pop into your brain unwittingly. Hence, the shortcomings.
So my Mom said, you never give anything a chance, once it becomes difficult, even for a second you quit trying.
Except, in love. That is my own sentiment.
But otherwise, she was right.
So for me, I am going to take the high road from now on. For my Momma.

Blessing

I used to think that life was what was right in front of your face, that you had to accept what you had and make the best of it. I now know that life is a series of choices, everyday, we make choices that either enrich our life or hinder it in some way, emotionally or physically. It is up to ME each and every one of us to choose the right path, the right door. Some stuff is out of our hands, things happen that we cannot control, but for the most part, we do have control over our own enviornment, our own happiness, our own destiny.
Not fearing change was a huge obstacle that I had to overcome. Fearing a new location, fearing being alone. I was afraid to drive, afraid that I would get lost. Feared accidents, feared others anger. I know, now that being lost is part of life, being lost leads to new roads, roads I wouldn't have otherwise explored. Metaphorically and Physically.
I had to learn, had to make decisions that would take me off this path. You choose to be happy or you choose to be miserable. A friend told me the other day that she was "surprised" that I had recovered my life and my happiness so quickly. The truth of the matter is, was, that I chose to be happy, I chose not to wallow in depression and shock, because I value the time that I have on this earth and do not want to waste one minute of it.
I surrounded myself with postitive, smart, intuitive people,who were able to look me in the face and tell me that they loved me. Who were able to give me awesome advice, to help me on this path, and for my friends and family I couln't be more grateful, could not love them more. In turn, I attracted someone who values friendship and family as much as I do.
So when I question time, I stop, and I say to myself,"you choose not to waste time being unhappy, and there fore things that are good and rational and wonderful are not going to take there time with you"
I truly do believe that what you put into your body, and who you let into your life is going to have a huge impact on the outcome of your life, and instead of being unhappy with what you don't have, rejoicing in what you do, each and every day will deliver exactly what you want.

Happy

I just want to say
I am happy

Cheyanne

Redirecting thoughts
Clouds
What I knew
Floating through the sky
Dreams
Filled with meaning
Balance
Everything what it should be
Live to love
Love to give
Take what is yours
Make it your own
Your own life
Don't give it all away
Nothing left
Leaves you feeling
Penniless
Aggravated
Rage
Take your time
For yourself
Free yourself
From your own life
Just relax
Watch the sky
So beautiful
You are
Need to see
What inside of you
Glows
Beautiful

Stay away

Stay away
Don't come near me
Don't call
Don't think
Don't want your thoughts
Don't want your care
This is it
No more games
You don't control me
I am my own
Gone away
Can't forgive
Should have thought
Before you LIVED
100 lies
Looked me in the eye
A thousand tears
Better off
Without your shadow
Following mine
Back off
I'm no longer yours
You had your chance
Put a thought inside your head
You don't inspire
Anything but hate
Darkness
Sadness
Selfishness
Alone now
You want to make amends
But it's too late
I'm already a ghost to you
Rapture

You Don't
Make me laugh
Make me think
Or make me happy
I asked for someone kind
Someone altruistic
Understanding
That person is not you
Would rather rot alone
The spend another moment of my life
With you
Not enough time
In a day
To waste it with you
So please
Please
Please
Leave me alone.

Ebb and Flow

The only flow
Is this
I know
Sometimes melancholy
Sometimes laughing
Lonely or not enough
Brain chemistry
Imbalance is tough
Take some pills
Mellow it out
Not for me
Who I am
I let it be
Manic
Happy
Depressed
Contemplative
Quiet
Free
Think too much
Turn it off
Get an outlet
For all the stuff
But put it where
storage of my mind
Too full already
Of memories
Inclinations
Ideas
Stuff to do
Sleep too much
Not enough
Can't have balance
Without the stuff
Shop too much
Not at all
Fill a void
Fill the hole
The whole
Meditate
Contemplate
Make sense of life
Quick
Figure it out
Before it's too late
Too much time
Not enough
Drive too fast
Eat too much
Not enough
Talk Talk Talk
Never better
This road is mine
Alone I walk
Convoluted thoughts
too much damage
Try to hide
But never lie
Let it all show
Who fucking cares
What's meant to be
Will be unveiled