By: Stephan Bodian

Any relationship between two separate selves is destined to be unfulfilling, because it's based on a lie. I perceive you to be out there, apart from me, and I'm struggling to bridge the imaginary gap and connect with you--or perhaps to withdraw and discon...nect. I want to know what you think, where you come from, where you've been, what you identify with so I can learn how to manipulate and control the relationship--but I never make real, vital contact with who you (and I) really are. In fact, most relationships take place between two false selves, two life histories, two conglomerations of beliefs, identities, biases, and expectations. They're based on negotiation, on getting my needs met, on comparing and contrasting what I have with what I want, and on trying to mitigate the pain of separation by creating brief moments of intimacy. But the basic premise of such relationships is mistaken. We're already one, and true relationship occurs in the recognition and joy of this shared oneness, which is genuine intimacy. When I know myself to be nothing/everything and experience you too as nothing/everything, all apparent separation drops away, and we dance together in the mystery of the One at play in the multiplicity of forms. Love is who we are, we can't possibly find it out there. At the same time, true relationship offers the opportunity to share the love that we are with another person, to resonate together in the love, which allows the experience of the love to deepen and grow. Encountering the other who is also our very own self is one of the most precious experiences available to us as human beings. For many people, this only occurs for a short period of time, at the beginning of a relationship, when they're "in love," then gradually or quickly fades. But it's possible to live in love in every encounter--which just means to live as this timeless moment and share it knowingly with "another." (Of course, for some mysterious reason, each of us is drawn to particular people who seem to quicken this love in us more than others.
I read this today...and loved it...I want to read..re-read and meditate it...
Relationships, whether they are for fun...or two people looking for deeper meaning and companionship tend to do this..The way that I relate to it, and what I am going to take from it, is just be yourself. Treat a romantic relationship like a friendship.No holds barred. That is what it should be inevitably any way, and if you aren't conducting your romantic relationships like this, then you aren't really allowing your true personality to shine through. This for me is hard to do, this is something that I want to work on. If someone is going to know me, they are going to know me for who I really am..All parts.