Moves

Geoff and I are going to sign the paperwork on our condo today. Seven months of living apart I have to say that is longest we have ever had our own roofs. We live together -we don't. Let's see we started out living at our respective parents homes, then I moved into that garage senior year, then we moved in with his parents, then I moved back home, then I moved in with his grandma up the street from his parents in Phelan, then I moved back in with him and his parents, then I moved back home, then we moved to LA and each lived with respective roomates, then we moved back in together,I moved back in with my parents and he lived in his Cadillac for three months, then he moved in with his mom, then we moved to Arizona, then he moved back to California for three months and lived with Mike and Jen, then he moved back to Arizona with me, then I moved to California...for like a week, then I told him I wanted him to move out and he moved in with Jack and Marie, then we moved back in together, then I got my own place and he got his own place...Seven months it's been...Now we are moving back in together. I laugh while I write this...we just cannot be apart. I have to say our relationship has been colored with well...moves. The one thing that has been constant despite all this moving is US. No matter where we go, or where we live we have each other. I am sure people that know us think that we are nuts, it just happens that way that has been our life with each other. I wouldn't have it any other way. We have managed to stay together but still give each other the space that we needed to grow as separate people. Not many people can do this. I am excited about moving back in together, but really it is just another page in our book. I do my thing, he does his thing, and we do our thing together. It is just as simple as that.

Since

Since I have quit smoking I have still wanted to smoke. Since I stopped eating so much I have lost some weight. Since I have quit being Negative I have become more postive. Since I have quit obsessing I have had more brain time.Since I have been meditating I have been calmer. Since I have quit analyzing I have become less analytical. Where has this gotten me? At the dead end of a road..where is there to go when you quit curving. When your life becomes a straight line? When you do all the things that you set out to do? I have to go make a mess. I don't know what yet, but I will. Hahaha.

Changes

This year I have made a lot of changes for myself...all good ones. For starters I quit smoking.I did not even give it a day...couldn't tell you the day I quit It has been like two months. I feel good about this-the cigarettes needed to go..they were stressing me out. Will I get cancer? AM I going to look older than my friends that are the same age and don't smoke? Blahblah blah plus they were expensive.SO I gave myself a $$Raise$$ and quit. Leading to another healthy decision...I don't want to gain weight when I quit so I have made it a point to work out 5 days a week since.I look f#*`*ing good.MMMKKAY...The better I feel I start to look the more time I want to invest. Not obsession,but yeah I want to wear my jeans. SO the working out has led to another healthy habit, you work out you eat what you want you maintain, you tighten up...but you want your ass( well I want my ass) to look smoking ( because I am not smoking) in jeans so I started eating healthy. I feel good lately folks. OH..and I am getting braces..now that I have a couple extra bucks$$ to fix my gap teeth. Not that I have ever felt that they were a huge problem, but well, one of my regular customers( who incidently is a famous orthodontist and author) is footing most of the bill for me. Well- that was a deal that I couldn't pass up. I feel like EVERYTHING is on a major upswing for me right now. OHOHHOHOOH I also found the perfect perfect perfect condo for Geoffrey and I to live in in MARCH!! When we move back in together.....Honestly, It Scares ME...When everything is UP there is only one place to go. DOWN.I am just going to enjoy this upswing for right now though. I will deal with DOWN when it comes.

Really

I'm bored and I have a lot on my mind lately.
I feel like I have all the answers. But nobody has the answers for me. Answers for my lifes questions and conundrums. Everyone is always too buisy, and I am always too buisy with everyone elses problems too address my own feelings about things that are bugging me. 99.9% of the time this works to my advantage in that my own minor problems end up being just that, minor and they just go away if I don't turn them into issues.
The least I can do for myself right now is address the minor issues by writing them down.
I don't really know how minor they really are, and if I write them down they will cease to be minor and I will have to confront them...dammit.
I want more time for myself outside of the house doing something that will enrich me. The only problem with this is then my house falls apart(thanks mom) and there fore I feel like I need to be on top of things 100 percent of the time which isn't fair. For example. Not to bitch but yes, to bitch. I am sick for a few days and the dishwasher can't get emptied. UM. Hello Geoffrey. I need to have a talk with him about this but first I need to find out what I want to do for some sort of extra curricular type enriching experience. I am such a homebody and a loner.
Second. I have to stop giving all my time to Cheyanne unless she wants to go do something other than just hanging out at her house talking. It is non-productive. I am broke, is not an exuse that is going to fly because you have plenty of money to do plenty of other stuff. That's all.

"I"

I hate getting bad news on answering machines
I hate people who drive slow because there talking on there cell phone.
I hate it when people abandon there friendships.
I hate birds, especially pigeons and crows.
I hate racism.
I hate it when animals who are loved die.
I hate being sick. It's annoying.
I hate it when people take people for granted.
I hate the sound of a baby crying.
I hate long boring books.
I hate people who hate everything, and nothing is ever good enough.
I hate the smell of Papayas.
I hate waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep.
I hate it when people scream into the phone.
I hate heavy metal.
I hate arrogance.
I hate my neighbors upstairs.
I hate it when people complain to complain.
I hate it when people talk about commiting suicide all the time, and never do it.
I hate LIES.
I hate a bad hair cut.
I hate it when my house is dirty.
I hate feeling old.
I love any kind of weather inclement or calm.
I love books of any kind.
I love making love.
I love my bed.
I love hot tea.
I love things that are beautiful.
I love poems.
I love for people to tell me there feelings.
I love secrets.
I love my job.
I love my Geoffrey.
I love my mom.
I love my friends, even if we are oh so different sometimes.
I love to drink beer.
I love my nasty cigarettes.
I love baths.
I love pools.
I love the sun.
I love to sleep and dream.
I love the wisdom that I have.
I love my house.
I love my cats.
I love to cook.
I love to talk.
I love to read.
I love to reminisce.
I love my dictionary.
I love breakfast.
I love to cuddle.
I love to laugh so hard.
I love the ocean.
I love the desert sky.
I love my sisters.
I love my memories.
I love the life that I have had.

It's hard being a boy

About a month or so ago, Geoff told me " Don't make any plans for me on Saturday, April 11th" Like I ever make plans for him. Being the car aficionado that he is he is planning on going to a once a year event that he looks forward to sponsored by his favorite car magazine blahblahblah. Anyway, I know that he is super stoked to go with his close friend and fellow car aficionado( I had to look that up for spelling so I want to use it as much as possible to pay off for my hard work) Rob. Who is with Tina( madly in love with) Who is coincidentally one of my dearest and nearest friends. Let me get to the point. Boys are primitive when it comes to telling there friends how they really feel. Rob decides to go out to California to see his lover-girl that weekend. Instead of telling Geoff. " Hey, I am going to California to see Tina that weekend" When he found out he was going to California that weekend, he avoids him at work and starts acting " strangely" ( By Geoffs account) Me, being sensitive to Geoff loves for cars ( NOTE the sarcasm) does not put 2+2 together that the weekend Rob is going to see Tina is the weekend of the revered once a year car show, and just thinks that Rob is acting strangely. I attribute the strangeness to his head being in the clouds with his love( or up his ass, or up her ass ahahahahaah) When Geoff finally finds out that Rob is not going with him this weekend, he is upset. Sad. Butthurt. But mostly sad. I can see it in his face, hear it in his voice. He was really really looking forward to this, that they had planned quiet a while ago event. Understandably, plus Rob is his only friend. We are driving around doing errands yesterday, and I say to him, " Well, can't you just tell Rob that you are upset and that you really wanted to go with him. " Appanantly that would break some sort of male code. " No" he says, " I am going to punch him in the stomach and say " knock it off shit head." It's hard being a boy isn't it? Yes he says. Ultimately, even though I really don't want to, I am going to the car show with him this Saturday, it's hours of walking around looking at cars and smelling gasoline, but for him, I would do anything.

Donut icing Dirt

Lately I have been having some very strange dreams. A couple of nights ago I had a dream that someone( a face less voice) was telling we that I had one week to live...one week. I was going to die in one week and it just kept telling me that. Followed in the same dream by a man that I had never seen before walking around with a sawed off foot. It looked like a piece of steak with a bone. Gross. Needless to say, I have been thinking about this dream a lot. Since I like to obsess, and worry and act like I don't worry. What if this is my last week on earth? Am I spending it wisely. Who knows? I am just going about my business like I always do with my life and my day to day activities. Loving Geoffrey. Spending time with my friends. Making dinner for people. Working. Sleeping. Playing with my cats? Wondering every day where is my fucked up Monkey? What else could I do? It was just a dream. Second dream, and this is such a fat girl dream. I am on a hill. Licking it. Yes licking it, because the earth is made of donut icing and has candy eggs in little piles. There is also a hot tub that you can sit in. Same dream second part. I am in a big city that I have never been to before, I am walking. I buy a bottle of lotion. I am walking around with this economy size bottle of lotion looking for a place to masturbate. Frusturated, I cannot find a place. I have to say. Thoughts of these dreams have been amusing me all week.