New year

Day three of the year. I am going to be writing more, a lot more. 
What I am going to write about is still unclear. I am hoping that by being more observant I will have more to report.
I really couldn't have been blessed with a better husband. I just love Andy. He really loves me and wants me to be happy. I have never had that before. He is hard working, loving, caring, and a good Father. No complaints on my marriage.
I feel like I need to work on myself, mainly. The things that I complain about seem so childish to me after I have a fit.  Such as New Years Eve. The situation that happened ended up being not what I had envisioned our night to be and I got upset.  And it was not by any means a bad night at all. In hindsight the night happened the way it did to show me some important things.
I thought that I had learned the lesson of "not having preconceived notions" a long time ago, but I needed a refresher course. Things do not always happen as we plan or expect them to happen. Rarely do they happen that way.  Other stuff happens that is out of our control all of the time.  Go with the flow.
The other big thing that I would really like to change about myself is STILL healing from the past and the trust issues that I experience still because of it.  I am obviously glad that I didn't marry the wrong person and that it happened the way it did, and I am with Andy now. But I wish that I did not have trust issues still because of it. Andy is the most trustworthy man I have ever met. But the feelings still come and they still suck. I know where they stemmed from, and that is what upsets me. I hate that what happened still affects me. It's not happening now and I wish the old feelings would never resurface. I never had trust issues before, if anything, I was too trusting.  I don't want to feel jealous and insecure when we are around other girls. I don't feel that this is really me, and I want myself back. It is getting better and better as time goes on, but it still happens.  I can't believe that my psyche is still rattled from that experience in 2010.
The new year has already taught me a lesson. Let go of my expectations.  This may sound negative- but, it is actually not. Without expectations we open up ourselves to the Universe and whatever it may bring our way. Narrow sighted perceptions will be widened. If I don't expect anything, then every moment will be a surprise. I am opening myself up like a lotus flower to new experiences and change. Bring them on!
I will spend my time studying art and philosophy, writing and listening.
2015 for me will signify natural change. I will grow, I will progress. In what ways is yet to remain unseen.